Engage Tran$apien

Sure, our services are expensive: by your pitifully ignorant and uniformed perspective, at least. But you need to make that smart investment – in yourself! So, before I quote our fee, just

TranSapient, Inc. doesn’t take Earth money. Not dollars, yen, pounds or any other conventional denominations with which you are familiar. We only accept payment from your most valuable asset: your soul. 

But that’s the best part: TranSapient doesn’t take your soul: we make your soul. Leave Earth, and we’ll give you a brand new life! Nothing else like it. There are gurus, motivational speakers and self-help “gurus” on Earth who’ll “guarantee” to change your life if you enroll in a $5,000 weekend seminar. But I GUARANTEE that selling your soul to TranSapient will actually change your life.